How to become more socially confident
By Felicity Muscat
The one thing that perplexed me when attempting to cure my shyness was that I didn’t understand why it always felt as though this debilitating mantle was restricting me. There was always something inside of me that looked at the way I would express myself to the world and compare and see others doing it naturally. If you have shyness you have most likely observed how some people express themselves freely and others do not. If you are one of those individuals that likes to challenge what is possible for you, this article will prove why you do have free will over this mantle that guards something you most likely didn’t even know was there. What psychologists don’t understand about overcoming this mantle is that it cannot be solved through the branched behaviours alone, or even the emotional release of the original emotional trauma.
What is shyness?
In a nutshell, shyness is a conditioned emotional program that constricts and restricts the full natural charismatic expression of an individual. It is conditioned into – and stored within – the unconscious mind of the individual by various negative beliefs and emotions such as:
- I’m shy
- I’m afraid of making a fool of myself
- I can never think of what to say when I’m with others
- I’m afraid others will not like me
- I’m afraid others will reject me
- I’m a loser
- I’m defective and/or deficient
- There’s something wrong with me
- I have inherited my shyness
And so on.
All of these are generated, supported and justified at the unconscious level of the mind by negative memories of early life that in any way disrupted a normal and smooth connection with others. These include memories of humiliation, rejection, embarrassment, inappropriate intimate interactions; among others.
Once the memories are recorded in a person’s mind/body they literally “define” them, i.e. they program the person to believe that this is who and what they are. Once defined, the ability to challenge this definition seems almost impossible.
What’s interesting is that these negative beliefs and emotions behave like internal hypnotic suggestions that limit the person. You’ve likely seen or heard of shy individuals who were able to be quite gregarious when placed in a hypnotic trance. This is possible because the externally supplied suggestions are able to temporarily over-ride the internal ones, thereby allowing a measure of freedom of expression.
The key however is that the effect is temporary. It is only temporary because the negative memories generating the internal hypnotic suggestions remain firmly rooted and pervasively producing the internal suggestions that erode away at the external suggestions thereby re-imprisoning the person.
The only real way to permanently free yourself from this enslavement is to erase the negative memories and their accompanying beliefs and emotions forever. This is done easily with a new coaching process called the Mind Resonance Process.
Did you know that underneath the mantle of shyness is a deep fear of being judged, rejected, criticised, and humiliated? Did you know that your shyness stems from early negative memories of abuse, rejection, abandonment, neglect, misunderstanding, humiliation stored in the subconscious mind that behave like “emotional landmines” waiting to go off and release their toxic emotional load?
Finally, did you know that those landmines can be completely diffused by erasing/deleting the memories associated with them, thus releasing one from the bondage of shyness forever?
How do I do that, you ask?
A negative memory isn’t a static thing, but rather it is very much “alive” and active in the subconscious mind. In many ways it is like an emotional scar that if re-injured, elicits the old pain it has stored in it. This is what makes emotionally “injured” individuals overly sensitive to others and to the uncertainty that their life experience throws at them. In this way they often feel handicapped and find success harder to achieve than those less traumatised.
There is a strong desire to compensate for the deep pain you carry inside and one “compensatory strategy” is made via shyness. You see, shyness isn’t just a problem; it is also a way of coping with the pain that is inside you. In other words, it is employed as a way to help you function in the world.
Does that seem surprising or contradictory to you? You see, most individuals are too focused on seeing shyness as a problem that they miss the fact that it is actually being used for something. Now please don’t misunderstand me, I am not suggesting that shyness is in any way “useful” – in actual fact it is in pursuing how it is “thought” to be useful that you can find the key to erasing it completely and permanently.
Let me give an example to help you begin to shift out of your shyness.
As I said, shyness is a way of protecting yourself from being or feeling rejected. That means there is a deep fear of rejection underneath that shyness. How does that fear serve you?
If we look at it closely, you might say that it motivates you to be hyper-alert to potential rejection so that you can be prepared for it so that you can therefore avoid it. If that is the case and you have something inside of you protecting you from ever feeling rejection, then you would supposedly feel safe, secure, relaxed, calm, confident, carefree, able to be spontaneously yourself, authentic, honest, fully self-expressed, strong, resilient, and indifferent to the opinions of others.
So what is being suggested here is that the fear of rejection makes you feel: safe, secure, relaxed, calm, confident, carefree, able to be spontaneously yourself, authentic, honest, fully self expressed, strong, resilient, and indifferent to the opinions of others.
Does that sound true or false? Well if you compare it to what it feels like to be caught in that fear I think you’ll readily see that the statement is false.
So, now take a moment and notice how you react to the following short scenario:
You are going over to your friend’s house and when you get there your friend answers the door and a huge cheer erupts from over 100 people who are there to celebrate your surprise birthday. Many of these people you have never met before. Many of them come over to you during the party to talk to you.
Now stop and notice how you are feeling. Notice if anything about your reaction surprises you.
Often after going through the short exercise above individuals will feel much more open, confident, relaxed, and able to enjoy the experience of meeting perfect strangers. In other words their shyness, albeit not completely gone, will have diminished significantly.
The reason it is diminished is because rejection is not something they need to defend against in the same way as before. That is because it has been partially erased. It is not completely gone because there is a bit more to this process.
To fully erase it one must also erase the negative memories from the past stored within you that are responsible for and are generating that fear. In doing so, you allow your spontaneous charismatic self to push past this false mantle. So if you wish to follow up on this, contact me via the link below to request a complimentary phone/Skype introductory coaching session to find out more.
Felicity Muscat is the Founder of The Institute of Self Mastery which was created to help others fulfil the truest, highest, and most authentic expression of themselves in all areas of life.
If you have tried other approaches that have failed and are ready for change, request a complimentary introductory phone/Skype coaching consultation to help you get started on your journey back to your peak performing empowered and alive self today. To learn more and explore others’ success stories, download Felicity’s eBooks.