The Nice Guy Problem
By Felicity Muscat
Relationships are an integral part of most people’s lives. If you are like the majority of people in the world, you want a good, healthy relationship with someone else. The problem is that there are so many different approaches to relationships, and it often feels like the nicest, healthiest approach ends up being the least effective.
Do a simple internet search for relationship advice and you will find a thousand different tips about how to seduce people, how to catch the attention of people you are interested in, and how to get another person to be interested in you. The constant problem that people talk about having in these articles is the “nice guy problem.” They do everything right – they ae respectful and friendly, and they strike up interesting conversations with people – but other people are simply not interested in them romantically.
Have you ever had this feeling? It is incredibly frustrating. You get your hopes up that this person will actually give you a chance, but all too soon they are making excuses about why they do not want to talk to you anymore, why they do not want to go out anymore, or why they do not want to be in a relationship.
In a relationship, there are different levels of attraction. There is the level of attraction you feel at the very beginning of the relationship, when you are both impressing each other with your credentials and charm. As you get to know each other, though, that level of attraction is replaced with a deeper one. This level is based on the authentic self.
At the first level of attraction, psychological manipulation works. You can use pick-up lines, clever strategies, and all the advice you can find online about how to get someone’s romantic interest. For about six weeks, these schemes will work pretty well. But after that point, you need to have an attractive authentic self that is compatible with the other person, or the relationship will end in disappointment.
Your authentic self is a reflection of what you believe about yourself. Unfortunately, what most people believe about ourselves isn’t very pretty. Even if we outwardly have a lot of confidence, on the inside we are often insecure, immature, and needy. These flaws start to show up after a few weeks of a relationship, and they are the quickest way to make a promising relationship go south.
Needy people often don’t even realise they are being needy. They may think that the problem is with the other person, not with themselves. However, there are some items you can look for to tell if you are being needy:
- A fear of being alone.
- The need to have others text, call, or email you all the time.
- Overpowering feelings of jealousy.
- A fear of making decisions and taking responsibility.
- Feelings of possession for your partner.
- Temper tantrums.
- A controlling personality.
- The need to please others.
- Attention-seeking behaviour.
- Self-aggrandising behaviour.
- The need to be taken care of.
- The feeling of being a child in an adult body.
- Low self-esteem, self-worth, or self-confidence.
- The feeling of being empty inside.
- The feeling that there is something wrong with you.
- The feeling of being unattractive.
- The need to be validated and accepted by others.
- The need to belong to a group.
- Having few interests or hobbies.
- The fear of rejection.
- The fear of abandonment.
- A pattern of bad relationship choices.
- Repeated rejections.
- Self-sacrificing behavior.
- The need to be rescued.
If you identified with one or more items on this list, you have a “neediness” problem. It doesn’t matter how nice you are in your relationships, they will probably continue turning out badly (or you will get stuck with someone who is codependent) unless you learn to turn around this pattern of neediness and take control of yourself and your relationships again.
The good news is, neediness is not a hopeless diagnosis. You can change it! Neediness is caused by old programming from old memories that taught you that you were inadequate. With help, it is completely possible to address these old memories and break the hold they have on your present life. Imagine feeling powerful, confident, whole, attractive, and completely adequate and desirable. That’s not just how you will feel with my training program; it’s how you will actually be!
Felicity Muscat is the Founder of The Institute of Self Mastery which was created to help others fulfil the truest, highest, and most authentic expression of themselves in all areas of life.
If you have tried other approaches that have failed and are ready for change, request a complimentary introductory phone/Skype coaching consultation to help you get started on your journey back to your peak performing empowered and alive self today. To learn more and explore others’ success stories, download Felicity’s eBooks.
Felicity Muscat, former psychologist is now an international self-esteem, self-empowerment, and self-mastery life coach. Felicity is also a relationship and success coach, author of three best-selling books and Level 3 mind resonance coach.
Click here to request your Free 1 Hour Introductory MRP Telephone/Skype Coaching Consultation