How to change your inner chemistry and addiction to toxic relationships
By Felicity Muscat
If you have an interest in this topic and a desire for change, I want to start by educating you on why the attraction to toxic relationships has formed inside of you in the first place. This will give you an understanding of what you can do about it and how to replace some of the common myths around what actually causes you to end up in these situations. Why would anyone choose to hurt themselves in this way and enter into a situation that is less than desirable? Let me explain.
Did you know that many people feel continually attracted by toxic relationships that are destructive emotionally, mentally and even physically? Did you know this attraction is actually another form of addiction; much like addictions to food, cigarettes and drugs? Did you know the force that drives such addictions is associated with feelings of emptiness, loneliness, low self-esteem, low self-worth, low self-confidence, and a deep feeling of neediness that makes such individuals helpless and unable to take care of themselves? Finally, did you know that now it is possible to eradicate these addictive tendencies so that one can create healthy, respectful and self-respecting relationships?
Would you like to learn how this can happen for you?
All addictions are an attempt to soothe inner emotional pain from past negative memories of abuse, abandonment, neglect, humiliation, rejection. These memories leave one feeling perpetually unlovable, unwanted, worthless, empty, useless, like a failure, inadequate, defective, deficient, needy, helpless, hopeless, ashamed, lonely, emotionally dependent and so on.
Relationship addictions occur when the ‘drug’ of choice happens to be another person who is supposed to be able to validate, soothe, love, rescue, take care of, provide for, accept, appreciate and support the person who is emotionally hurting. In such situations it often turns out that the second person i.e. the so-called ‘caretaker’ is also emotionally immature. Why? Well, simply because only another equally needy person would choose to take on such a task.
Any healthy, self-respecting person would only choose to have healthy relationships with other “healthy” people. By “healthy” here, I mean someone who is emotionally mature, whole, complete, confident, has high self-esteem, self-worth, self-respect, is emotionally independent and treats others with the respect they are due. For such individuals the concept of self-sacrifice is not the definition of love, nor is it healthy.
So how does one go from being emotionally needy and immature to a whole, complete, emotionally mature and independent adult?
Well, up until recently it was believed that one had to undertake decades of psychotherapy in order to get “re-parented” by a therapist.
Not only is this impractical, it is also in my opinion, not even effective.
The reason I say this is that any positive shift from which individuals get from any form of re-parenting is only short lived. Although disappointing, it eventually helped a medical doctor in Canada to elucidate exactly why this was happening in the first place.
It turns out that the reason many people are trapped in old, needy and addictive patterns is because they are in most cases, totally identified with and trapped in the subconscious trance-movie they call their “life history” i.e. the story of their life.
If that life was one of rejection, abuse, neglect etc. then they were conditioned by such events to believe themselves to be (and feel) inadequate, unlovable, unwanted, unworthy etc. This creates deep emotional pain that many subsequently turn to others to have soothed.
What was also realised was that if the old negative early memories stored within could be erased, the person was progressively and spontaneously restored to their emotional whole and mature state. A new process was developed to accomplish this outcome – which effectively extinguishes old addictive needy patterns and restores one’s ability to make healthy, discerning and self-respecting choices in all areas of their lives; including their relationships.
This process is metaphorically like waking up from a bad nightmare where one felt helpless and weak only to realise that it was just a bad dream. In the awakened state the person feels empowered, strong and capable.
If you are like so many, feeling trapped in a recurring pattern of toxic relationships and would like to find the door to freedom, contact me via the link below where you can request a complimentary introductory coaching consultation to get you started.
Felicity Muscat is the Founder of The Institute of Self Mastery which was created to help others fulfill the truest, highest, and most authentic expression of themselves in all areas of life.
If you have tried other approaches that have failed and are ready for change, request a complimentary introductory phone/Skype coaching consultation to help you get started on your journey back to your peak performing empowered and alive self today. To learn more and explore others’ success stories, download Felicity’s eBooks.
Felicity Muscat, former psychologist is now an international self-esteem, self-empowerment, and self-mastery life coach. Felicity is also a relationship and success coach, author of three best-selling books and Level 3 mind resonance coach.
Click here to request your Free 1 Hour Introductory MRP Telephone/Skype Coaching Consultation