If you are want to know how to improve self esteem, build your confidence and feel good about yourself, the most important thing you need to do first is to lay the right foundations.
Hi, I’m Felicity Muscat, Confidence Coach. I help people who are struggling with mindset challenges, whose current level of self esteem and confidence limits what they can be and do in the world. These people struggle being themselves and want to have improve self esteem to feel more confident in what they can do in the world, and I help them develop the right foundations to achieve that.
I want you to understand what’s involved in working to improve self esteem. It’s not about taking more action, or building confidence in yourself by doing more – this really doesn’t change the confidence or improve the self esteem level you feel.
If you want to know about how to improve self esteem and confidence, so you can be the best version of yourself and feel amazing about who you are and what you can do, first ask yourself the following questions.
- Do you feel unworthy and un-confident?
- Do you wish you had higher levels of self-worth and esteem to live your best life?
- Do you wonder when you are going to begin feeling great to be you?
- Do you walk into a room and fear what others think of you?
- Does that voice in your head, speak to you daily and you have tried positive affirmations and are tired of trying to override the negativity daily?
- Are you feeling you lack self-esteem and confidence and are not even sure how to change it?
- Are you not even sure what the difference between Self-esteem and Self-confidence is?
- Are you feeling the effects of not having these two success keys – confidence and esteem – and are noticing what not having them is doing to your opportunities and the decisions it is causing you to make?
If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions, I can help you to start making changes in your life that will improve self esteem and enrich your confidence in yourself.
Low self-esteem affects almost every choice you make and causes all your choices to not be, to your benefit?
In this article, I will outline the steps on how to uncover the things that are decreasing your self-esteem, so you can understand what is needed to restore and improve self esteem and confidence.
High self esteem is not built by actions, and people with low self esteem need to understand that tying to improve a low level to begin with, when the foundations are created by negativity, is not a plan for long term success.
If you want to be the best version of yourself, feel amazing about who you are, feel good about what you can do and have a genuine goal to get your confidence back or to restore your self-esteem, you’re about to gain the knowledge to do this. You’ll also unlearn any wrong information you’ve previously been taught.
Do you even believe it’s possible to improve self esteem? If you don’t, I’m glad you’ve found me.
5 Foundational Steps to Improve Self Esteem From Within
The first step is to improve self esteem and confidence, is to believe you can do this from within.
Here’s the secret – if you think it is self esteem can only be increased by external factors or when you accomplish certain things, this is why you’re frustrated when it doesn’t change, or just fluctuates temporarily.
Self Esteem is not generated by knowledge or techniques as even if one is able to attain a small level of success by a technique or trick the level of self-esteem will beat that person back down, to a level of worth equal to the low level of self-esteem.
Self Esteem is the way one sees themselves. It is shaped by external programming by the way we were treated or not treated and in turn creates negative self-perceptions that we learnt about ourselves. In order to change negative self-perceptions in which are creating low self-esteem, we need to remove the limited labels that are causing it.
Once one removes the negativity, the level of self-esteem does not increase, it’s restored back to the neutral set point and in turn, results in the natural feelings of esteem and confidence. As a result of this, one can effortlessly make better choices to improve the opportunities available in the attainment of one’s desires.
See Self-esteem and confidence are the foundations for the type of life, you can create for yourself. If you choose to ignore it the level of self-esteem and confidence will determine the things you can and cannot attract and basically what you can do and achieve in the world, it’s the foundation for everything else
What the mind can conceive it can achieve, well just because your mind can come up with an image. Does not mean you, which is separate from the mind has the confidence to actualise it, that’s the gap to creation
So, therefore, it makes it impossible to have the self-esteem needed to make positive change as well as the confidence to go after what you want.
Step two is to understand that self-esteem and confidence can be restored by learning what has caused it to be diminished and remove it.
Let’s start as to where it is formed, did you know that low self-esteem is something that is actually programmed into you by negative memories in early childhood. These memories continue to reside in your subconscious mind.
Whilst they are there, no amount of effort to change external things can override the results you are currently getting or improve self-esteem long term, later in this article I will explain why.
Step 3 Identify your self-esteem level by describing whom you think you are to another person, it doesn’t have to be another person, you can just pretend you are describing yourself, pretend you had to explain who you were to someone, what would you say? do you see yourself in a negative light or positive, what are some of the thoughts that come up?
Step 4 is to Understand what actually creates thoughts to be in the mind, so you can know what belief is generating that thought.
Say for example your mind comes up with a negative thought that I am not enough, thoughts cannot exist in the human mind without an anchoring memory. That’s a big statement but it’s the truth.
Every thought you think about yourself is coming from an old experience in which when formed, your mind was in the developmental stage, which is the age your mind is vulnerable to external suggestion by experiences that happened to you and your mind associated the experience with meaning something about you as a person.
The past makes us who we are right? Wrong. If I was hit by a truck, is my name and my identity a truck? No, so believing that our past is who we are and letting it control our self esteem our whole lives, is really a waste of opportunities we could have attracted if those limitations were not there.
Once you know what thoughts are present, you can start to trace it back to an initial experience. If you haven’t found it just yet, there could be several reasons, the memory behind it may be quite painful and your mind is suppressing it to keep it out of your conscious awareness.
Step 5, based on the above, identify where this negativity came from, is my self-esteem diminished because of one of the following. I feel worthless, do I feel unlovable, do I feel not good enough, do I feel hurt and like nothing good happens to me because of the cards you were dealt in the past. If yours is different it’s okay, you can still use your own negative thought and trace it back to an experience.
If you identified with any of the above I explain in a little more detail, the cause of each.
How Your Negative Beliefs Make it Impossible to Improve Self Esteem
If you feel unlovable, these esteem breakers are usually implanted if you were neglected, left alone a lot or treated a certain way or got lesser treatment than others. Try to write the experience down so you know the cause.
If your esteem is low as you feel worthless, experiences of abuse, being criticised, or having parents who had high expectations of you that you cannot meet, will contribute to these feelings so write your experiences down.
If you feel not good enough, then this self-esteem hindering belief, is formed by beliefs that will make you feel that you have to be more than who you are, to get love. This will, in turn, drive you to try and compensate constantly and you will feel like you always have to be good, perfect, be like someone else, do things to help others to get love attention as you didn’t get this growing up.
This belief will go back to these types of experiences and make your Psyche hide the real self-causing low self-esteem as feelings of being good enough will only be generated if you adhere to one of the above, help others, be perfect, achieve qualities of whom you perceived the favorite to be.
The problem with this is that those expectations on yourself will fluctuate and can change at any time throughout your life and in turn, if they are not met will generate feelings of low self-esteem.
If your self-esteem is built on achieving the above it will be a faulty foundation and you will feel it’s hard to create a life that you truly desire as, we are not good enough if we do or be something we are good enough based on the unique qualities we each possess and certain experiences have taught us otherwise.
Each belief that reduces self-esteem is generally tied to experiences and memories. In order to override these negative thoughts, a lot of practitioners teach you can remove the belief by itself.
That’s not how the mind works – beliefs hold structures in place, that hold memories of those experiences in place that generate low self-esteem. So if you try to remove one belief contributing to a structure of low self-esteem, you need to know what other beliefs are there and how to remove the associated memories to stop it coming back and be triggered again.
Negative memories behave much like hypnotic trance states that distort your perception of yourself and make building self-esteem feel impossible as they override any positive attempts to do so and shape the way you see others and the reality in which you exist. In other words, they create an illusory dream world that you believe to be your reality.
This is much like the experience of being trapped in a nightmare that you can’t wake up from and high self-esteem cannot exist whilst they are being triggered daily.
Not only that, they affect your mental health and limit your mental process. Your memory is also altered and short term memory reduces each time one of these memories is triggered.
Such a predicament can make one feel helpless, hopeless, trapped, alone, fearful, doomed, depressed and like choosing to give up on life. Sadly, too many people with low self-esteem have made that unfortunate choice.
However, there is now a way to “wake up” from this set of structures that were implanted there.
A lot of clients come to me after seeing psychologists and NLP practitioners and are taught, how to anchor the state of confidence. But that’s not how the mind works – you can’t anchor a state permanently to boost confidence.
They come to me anxious about their confidence in themselves and or their confidence in their ability to do the things they really want. They have had a lack of confidence and wanted to to how to change this so that could start to feel good about themselves.
Activate Your Diamond Self Esteem
I have been studying the human mind for 15 years and through my own confidence and esteem issues was determined to find a way. If they got inside of me I knew I could get them out.
If you Want the Success Secret – here’s what you must know about creating permanent change to improve self esteem. Hint: you cannot find this info anywhere on the web.
I discovered all self-esteem issues are created by how we take on beliefs about self, based on how others responded to us and this is fuelled by beliefs that create, certain states and feelings and low levels of esteem that get triggered at certain times.
I also learnt that all negative beliefs reducing self-esteem can be removed as they were only taken on as a survival mechanism to fit in and not challenge those who implanted the negative messages we received.
It took me 9 years to remove them permanently as I didn’t learn this from a book, or my degree – I learnt it through trial and error over and over, and I would love to share how easy it is.
I am inviting you for a Free Diamond esteem activator session.
In this 60 min session, we will make it about you and discover:
- How you truly see yourself whether it comes from an old experience and outline a plan to change it
- Discover your secret confidence blockers
- Uncover the obstacles to get free from the negative self-perception in the to balanced diamond-like self-esteem that is resilient to external factors like rejection and humiliation and get clear and confident in who were before these experiences limited you
- Learn about which experiences, are shaping how you see yourself, learn the secrets where it comes from and learn, how to remove the negative self-perceptions lowering your self-esteem
- You will learn the inside secrets of how the mind works
- The step by step guide to Unleashing your diamond Esteem – The secrets to SUCCESS!”
Ready to Get Diamond Esteem? Apply for a free 60 Mins Diamond Esteem Session and confidence coaching so you can activate feelings of Self-esteem and confidence and decide for yourself if it works.
Finally learn the keys to how to be more confident naturally.
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Felicity Muscat is the Founder of The Institute of Self Mastery which was created to help others fulfil the truest, highest, and most authentic expression of themselves in all areas of life.
If you have tried other approaches that have failed and are ready for change, request a complimentary introductory phone/Skype coaching consultation to help you get started on your journey back to your peak performing empowered and alive self today. To learn more and explore others’ success stories, download Felicity’s eBooks.
Felicity Muscat, former psychologist is now an international self-esteem, self-empowerment, and self-mastery life coach. Felicity is also a relationship and success coach, author of three best-selling books and Level 3 mind resonance coach.