I wrote this article for those who have tried almost everything, to help you to understand that as impossible as it feels to get your relationship back on track –
It is really simple if you know the the ten steps to a fulfilling relationship, so you can feel loved, adored and set the foundations to build an incredible life together.
As a passionate entrepreneur who mentors those who dream big and want to know how to build to create a desirable, passionate and fulfilling relationship – even if you feel that it isn’t possible, I’m thrilled you stopped by.
Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned as a former NLP Practitioner, Mind Resonance Coach and Relationship Coach – and from probing the minds of individuals, it’s that love and our relationships to others really affects our confidence and self esteem.
Romantics like yourself are never going to be happy settling for what you know as the norm – “relationships just die out after the honeymoon phase” – right? Well, that norm doesn’t have to be true if you understand these ten steps.
I know you are not the type to let a skills gap, mindset limitation, or petty arguments keep you from building a life and relationship you dreamed of – of lasting attraction, mutual interdependence, freedom and closeness.
If you’re reading this, then I know we already share a love of romance, closeness, peace in our environments and a feeling of wanting success in all areas of our lives.
Even if, at times, that concept scares you as much as it inspires you as you may have tried without much luck, in the past and failed.
That’s because it’s a grand vision that’s only for those looking to follow their instincts, do whatever it takes, earn things, and be open to hearing things that may go against some of the so-called expert writing books.
If you have considered couples therapy (also couples’ counseling, marriage counseling, marriage therapy) in an attempt to improve romantic relationships and resolve interpersonal conflicts – that is what I do, but there’s more..
I know that getting your relationships back on track is only one part of your dream, as when our relationships fail so does other areas of our lives. It’s just the way it works, as relationship failures cause stress and overwhelm to leak and sap our motivation for all other areas and things we used to love.
How do I know this? Because along my own path to learn how to gett my mindset right to have the best relationships that I could imagine, I learned this:
When a love interest or partner triggers our fears, unmet beliefs and old triggers, it can throw our whole lives off track.
That is precisely what happened to me until after eight years of trial and error I figured out how to change it.
The Foundation for Building Fulfilling Relationships
You see, I didn’t have a choice. I learnt as a young child, that relationships cause you pain and suffering, relationships cause you pain and hurt, relationships mean control, losing my freedom, never being able to do what you want, and a relationship is like a ball and a chain.
Before I realised what my negative perceptions of relationships where, which were not mine and were making the decisions for me, I ensured, not only that I acted upon what I believed, but I also took on whatever beliefs I could to ensure I didn’t end up miserable ever after, or attracting someone into my life who would hurt me.
To my detriment, I became terrible at maintaining them, drawing great ones into my life and then poof, sabotaging it with my insecurities, fears beliefs, arguments, and knew nothing how conflicts start, what creates them and not a absolute clue, as to why I was so dependant on others to make me happy.
So, however blocked you may feel at the moment, you believe challenges are just temporary, and that excellence and being the best version of you is the only standard worthy of targeting!
I am Felicity Muscat, founder of the Institute of Self Mastery. I’m a trained Master NLP Practitioner, Master Mind Resonance Coach, author of over 200 articles in Psychology, Mindset, Success and Business & Relationships, A Relationships coach and Couples therapy specialist.
My drive that propelled me to do what i do and figure out the key to successful, fulfilling relationships is this:
An extraordinary life is created by an ability to form relationships and create bonds to others, we as humans were not designed to need space form other humans, or to be on our own, yes we can survive on our own but what is optimal for our wellbeing is being connected to others in relationships and community.
The problem with not being able to create this, is we create what we do not want, as opposed to what we do not want and start to believe relationships mean hard work, relationships are painful, I am better off alone.
I am a mindset coach and relationship coach who helps women and men in relationships who are struggling to get connection and attraction back in their relationships and who are at odds as to how to get their minds back to clear thinking, balance in love, life and fulfilling relationships.
In your own relationship, you probably want to feel secure with your partner in your shared bond – even if you are distant and constantly fighting, and can’t stand the sight of each other – so that you can recreate more love, intimacy and more time spend living your best lives together, not your lonely lives apart.
So as promised, I want to touch on the ten steps needed to create this foundation and what mindset you may have taken on in which is creating an opposing reality in your relationship life. Most importantly, I want to show you how to bridge the gap to start recreating the foundations of a fulfilling relationship that you can continue to build upon.
If you believe counselling alone will do this, I am not one to convince you of doing that first if you feel it might work. Though, I have highlighted below what causes 100% of relationship issues.
If you adjust this one thing, you really will not need to spend hours discussing issues that are being created from a place that you feel like you are repeating yourself over and over.
Before I go into this, I want to touch on issues like infidelity, breaking of trust.
The below will not work on these issues, although my individual coaching approach will work towards deciding if your partner is not someone to be trusted again, or how to remove the sabotaging behaviours between your partner causing the break of trust, due to abandonment issues, insecurities and unmet needs.
The below will help if there is a lack of freedom, attraction, unacceptance of differences in each other affecting the love and or feeling undervalued, unappreciated, unsupported or unloved and alone.
Ten Steps to Creating a Desirable, Fulfilling Relationship
Know who you are and what vision you want to create for your love life. Why is this important, as if you do not know who you are, what you value and what you most need from your partner it will fester as resentments, complaining and an inability to create positive conversations.
Conscious Positive Thoughts Create Positive Actions,
Understand what you believe about relationships; be it, positive or negative. Why is this important?
If I believe that relationships bring joy and positive things in my life, my actions will reflect that. If I have negative associations and believe that they will take it time, freedom, bring me negativity, cause me to have to sacrifice, stay at home.
Or people need things from me or expect things from me etc – these beliefs will create an inability for you to be able to keep connection and attraction.
They primarily cause you to repel your partner and create unnecessary fighting and arguments to create space from the feelings these beliefs that your partner trigger in you, just by being near you.
Self Awareness is a Compass for Self Mastery in knowing what you believe you are worth
The funny thing is, if we do not believe we are worth much, we cannot expect to blame our partners for not knowing what we are worth and acting accordingly. This beliefs system create us never to ask so worth is imperative to building healthy relationships where needs are being met, and we feel like our partners get and understand us.
Step Four: Know that we have value for who we are, not what we do. Out of the several causes of fighting and arguments, A lot of things that I see that creates failure in relationships is when one partner tends to believe their worth comes from what they do for others meaning, it causes them to over give feeling alone, unwanted for who they are and undesirable and sometimes used.
Step Five: Respect and Honour Your True Self. Be your true self and don’t be afraid that it will cause rejection by your spouse.
This one is very clear cut, if we do not accept ourselves who we are and what we enjoy, it will be extremely tricky for us to enjoy any one time let alone be ourselves without partners, as our unconsciousness will cause us to want space in order to have the freedom to be ourselves, creating distance and a relationships filled with feeling alone and isolated.
Step Six: Express Yourself and Speak Your Truth, know you have value. Without an ability to express ourselves and believe we have a say, arguments can fester due to the very fact that one partner can not express their desires, likes and dislikes. They are ultimately setting up a dynamic where one partner makes all the decisions and starts to become tired of running the relationships alone.
It’s is called a partnership for a reason, not a follow ship, so if both partners do not have an ability to communicate, expires their truth and comprise and find a workable solution, both partners will develop the belief its all too hard, why bother mentality, which is really detrimental to creating a healthy open, loving relationships.
Step Seven: Believe you are whole and complete and remove anything in your thinking, convincing you to need anything from another person and watch your lack of attachment attract it to you.
In my time working with individuals and couples, I found that thinking that your partner is responsible for making you feel a certain way to give you anything, to boost your self-esteem is detrimental to the attraction and leaves a heavy feeling between partners.
The reason for this is when we no longer need something outside ourselves. We no longer attach to it, and this is the key to attracting the love adoration, the connection we desire as the person can feel we are okay without it, and that’s attractive to others for example.
The need for time with my partner to know he loves me and my company is good, the need for love, text messages to feels secure and that he won’t leave me, is a sure-fire way to set up expectations that create the opposite of attraction, and produces only avoidance between partners.
Step Eight: Stop Trying to Rescue People. No-one ever builds value by hiding themselves and being that, a personality who helps people to gain benefit. Its tired causes a feeling of being unappreciated and causes a reduction in attraction from one partner to the other.
Step Nine: Create Emotional Maturity and Sexual Intimacy and remove yourself from masculine-feminine restrictive roles so that you can be yourself not a role with your partner.
Many couples say to me; my partner seems to enjoy being around everyone but me. The person may have friends who love their company although when that person is in a relationship, unconsciously, have roles in which our partner trigger.
It could be as though every time your partner is around, all you seem to say are words that reflect the position you are playing, mum role, feminine cook and cleaner, male provider, male worker. These roles kill the attraction, authenticity and sexual desire out of any relationship and if you want attraction and passion that lasts, it is the key to getting it back.
Step Ten: Be the Change that you Seek emotional fears of rejection, abandonment create us to treat our partners like they are our parents in which we are afraid that if they leave, we won’t survive.
Rewrite Your Past Experiences to Create the Fulfilling Relationship You Want
There is nothing more attractive than being wanted, but not needed, as it creates a dynamic where both partners see the value of other other person, for some reason its human nature that when we know our partners needs us, we value them less and take advantage more.
Though, if both partners are attracted to each other as they love and want each other from choice and not need, it causes both partners to level up and keep maintaining romance to keep pursuing partners from a healthy space of desire and not a fear of loss. I’m not sure if you know this, but did you know that such self-sabotaging tendencies are:
a) automatic and outside of the individual’s conscious control;
b) driven by deeply buried subconscious programs rooted in early negative memories of rejection, abuse, abandonment, humiliation etc.;
c) like a self-fulfilling prophecy, only leading to what the person most fears, i.e. rejection?
Individuals who have experienced early life abuse, neglect, abandonment, humiliation, rejection and so on, store these negative memories of those experiences as well as the emotional pain of those events within their unconscious mind.
This pain exists as feelings of sadness, rejection, worthlessness, failure, inadequacy, insecurity, feeling unwanted and unlovable, self-hate, shame and neediness. These feelings behave like what I have termed ’emotional landmines’ that explode, releasing all of the old emotional pain whenever a person experiences, perceives or anticipates some form of rejection which in any way resembles early negative emotional experiences from their past.
At these moments, as way of attempting to protect themselves from experiencing new rejections as well as being overwhelmed by the re-emergence of the old emotional pain, they often get triggered into employing unhealthy and self-sabotaging tendencies such as: trying to control their partner, avoiding people, having affairs as a way to get the needed “love” and validation from someone else – all as a way of feeling safe, secure, loved and wanted.
As I think you can see, such programs are only self-destructive to the person and their relationships. Unfortunately, for many people, these negative tendencies are automatically triggered; leaving the person feeling like a passive victim of the damage that these memories inflict.
If you have been inspired by what you have read so far – continue learning and download my free resources below.
Free Guide: 10 Steps to Amazing Relationships
Download: “10 Steps to Amazing Relationships” to start to bring back the attraction, connection and love in your relationships.
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Felicity Muscat is the Founder of The Institute of Self Mastery which was created to help others fulfil the truest, highest, and most authentic expression of themselves in all areas of life.
If you have tried other approaches that have failed and are ready for change, request a complimentary introductory phone/Skype coaching consultation to help you get started on your journey back to your peak performing empowered and alive self today. To learn more and explore others’ success stories, download Felicity’s eBooks.
Felicity Muscat, former psychologist is now an international self-esteem, self-empowerment, and self-mastery life coach. Felicity is also a relationship and success coach, author of three best-selling books and Level 3 mind resonance coach.