Many individuals “deep down in their heart” wish they were in control of their decisions. If they thought it was possible to have a choice, they would not stay in any form of toxic relationship.
However, fear of abandonment generates an internal cage. If the individual attempts to leave this cage, their debilitating self-talk will create anxiety and push them back towards the safety of the cage.
Have you ever wondered why your friends and partners have claimed you to be “crazy”? They don’t understand what these fears create inside of you.
It isn’t you who is crazy, but rather these fears are running their programs within you.
But what would happen if the fear of abandonment and the barbed-wire fence is removed from your unconsciousness? Well, then staying in the toxic relationship would feel wrong and most individuals would leave.
Did you know that one of the underlying causes of toxic relationships is the fear of abandonment? This fear causes one to become needy, controlling, manipulative, bullying, jealous, insecure, vulnerable, anxious and unattractive (to name a few), thereby making themselves and their relationships toxic.
This actually increases the chances of destroying the relationship further, leading to the very thing one fears – abandonment.
This fear of abandonment is rooted in old negative memories of your earlier abandonment, rejection, abuse, neglect, bullying, humiliation, etc., and behaves like painful ‘emotional landmines’ that will leave you permanently incapacitated throughout life your life.
Would you like to learn how you can now completely delete or erase such negative memories along with the fear itself, and permanently restore yourself and your relationships back to lustrous health?
How Your Fear of Abandonment Developed
Negative memories of abandonment, rejection, bullying, neglect, etc. get stored in the subconscious mind/body and from there they serve and act as the evidence for such negative self beliefs, such as: I’m unlovable, I’m defective, I’m deficient, I’m inadequate, I’m useless, I’m unwanted, I’m unworthy, and so on.
This severely compromises one’s self esteem, self worth, self confidence, sense of wholeness, and leaves them feeling deficient and defective as a person.
These are felt as the familiar feeling of emptiness that many people, without realising it, attempt each day to compensate for, through the use and abuse of an addictive substance, activity or person.
The addictions are supposed to soothe and therefore numb the old emotional pain (i.e. the emptiness, sadness, anger, weakness, helplessness, etc.) associated with the negative memories stored within. One of the more common “addictions” is to seek other people for emotional support, comfort, reassurance, care, love, security and so on.
Many so-called ‘relationships’ are founded on unspoken emotional contracts where one person serves as the ‘soother’ and the other as the ‘soothed’.
What often happens is that individuals often reciprocate these roles so that at one time a partner may for example be the ‘soother’ and at another time assume the role of the ‘soothed’. This reciprocation – what many refer to as “love” – is actually a form of mutual exploitation.
I’m sure it’s clear that what I am describing here is the familiar co-dependent scenario where the two partners are essentially co-addicted.
As with any addiction there is a great feeling of insecurity within the partners, because each depends on the presence of the other in order to feel soothed, bringing the fear of abandonment into the picture.
This fear and the insecurities it is associated with often leads one to engage in unhealthy controlling, manipulative and unattractive needy behaviours. This is done in order to secure the presence and attention of the other partner.
As mentioned, such strategies lead to conflicted and toxic relationships that are damaging to the relationship and to the partners.
How Do You Erase Your Fear of Abandonment From Your Life?
Well, you will recall that all these insecurities stem from the old emotional pain from past negative memories stored within the mind/body.
A decade ago, while exploring the nature of how negative memories are stored within, it was discovered that they could rapidly, easily, permanently and completely be erased or deleted with a simple question and answer algorithm.
The net effect of this was that, it helped to restore an individual to their pre-traumatised or whole, authentic, resilient, empowered, worthy, lovable, self respecting state of being.
This state was recognised as being the person’s authentic self. The self they were supposed to manifest into this life, before they were rudely shocked by early life circumstances that caused them to abandon themselves.
In this restored and empowered state all disappeared neediness, fear and insecurities, are to be replaced by the feelings of wholeness, emotional independence, strength, self love, self esteem, self respect, self worth, resilience, and the ability to make empowered, discerning and healthy relationship (and other) choices.
It was realised, that this is the answer to all self esteem issues, as well as the end of all co-dependency issues and has ushered in a new era where the potential for healthy authentic co-creative relationships is only just beginning to be expressed.
To learn more about how you can begin to move yourself and your relationships down this road to health, contact me via the link below where you can request a complimentary introductory 1 hour phone/Skype coaching consultation.
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Felicity Muscat is the Founder of The Institute of Self Mastery which was created to help others fulfill the truest, highest, and most authentic expression of themselves in all areas of life.
If you have tried other approaches that have failed and are ready for change, request a complimentary introductory phone/Skype coaching consultation to help you get started on your journey back to your peak performing empowered and alive self today. To learn more and explore others’ success stories, download Felicity’s eBooks.
Felicity Muscat, former psychologist is now an international self-esteem, self-empowerment, and self-mastery life coach. Felicity is also a relationship and success coach, author of three best-selling books and Level 3 mind resonance coach.