Oops, another excuse…
Do you ever catch yourself making excuses when things don’t turn out as you had expected? Have you ever neglected taking responsibility for the events and circumstances of your life?
Or have you ever tried to explain why you didn’t, couldn’t, shouldn’t or simply wouldn’t do something?
These are all subtle signs that indicate you are living a life of excuses; which prevent you from living to your full potential.
What are excuses?
Excuses are rationalisations we make to ourselves about people, events and circumstances. They are invented reasons we create to defend our behaviour, to neglect taking a particular kind of action, or simply as a means of negating responsibility.
Making excuses gives us a way to place blame OF an internal problem ON an external condition.
Reasons for making excuses
There are many reasons why people make excuses. In fact everyone has different reasons for making them. However, when it boils down to it, we only make excuses for the following main reasons:
- Fear of failure
- Fear of embarrassment
- Fear of success
- Fear of change
- Fear of uncertainty
- Fear of responsibility
- Fear of making mistakes
- Perceived lack of confidence or resources
To stop making excuses in our lives, we must first look at eliminating all traces of fear.
Fear traps and locks us away within our comfort zone. Yet fear often develops because of a list of unconscious reasons as to why you accept to have it in your life.
Many people believe the solution is simply to “feel the fear and do it anyway”.
In my opinion – having studied the spectrum of human emotions, behaviour and the human makeup of the brain for the past decade – as long as these fears are residing within you, they will paralyse you into a state of inaction, procrastination, feelings of un-motivation and basic inertia which holds you back.
The Consequences of Making Excuses
Living a life of excuses can have very serious and lasting consequences. Not only will excuses prevent you from reaching your fullest potential, but they will also hold you back from recognising opportunities, talents and skills you might have to help you overcome your problems.
If you don’t challenge yourself to reach new heights, you will never really know what you are capable of.
New opportunities lie hidden around every corner, however you will never find them if you riddle your mind with constantly finding reasons for making excuses.
Making excuses can also lead to the following consequences:
- Lack of responsibility and growth
- Self-limiting beliefs
- Massive regrets
- Persistent pessimistic outlook on life
- Bad judgments
- Imaginary walls depicting your “comfort zone”
- Mental blocks stifling proactive action and creativity
These consequences certainly don’t lead to a fulfilling lifestyle. In fact, they paralyse us and prevent forward movement in all areas of our lives; leading to feelings of unworthiness, low self-esteem and low self-worth.
Many people who teach bypassing resistance will help you uncover several excuses the brain makes. The problem, is the real solution is not to bypass the act of making excuses, but rather to permanently eliminate the fear which generates the excuse.
Excuse #1: There’s not enough time…
Excuse #2: There’s not enough money…
Excuse #3: I don’t have an education…
Excuse #4: I’m too old or young…
Excuse #5: I don’t know how…
Excuse #6: I can’t change…
Excuse #7: I’m afraid to fail…
Excuse #8: It’s not the right time…
Excuse #9: I have to plan thoroughly first…
Excuse #10: It won’t work…
Excuse #11: I’m not inspired…
Eliminating your excuses forever!
Many experts who teach how to remove fears do not have a fundamental understanding around why the brain has been hardwired to install fears in the first place.
Let me use a simple example below to explain how this works. Follow along with the exercise to begin freeing yourself from your fears today.
Above we mentioned several fears in which are driven by an unconscious fear of failure.
Fear of failure
Many people accept the fear of failure into their lives because:
- They believe it will keep them from making mistakes
- They believe it will protect them from disappointment
- They believe it will keep them safe and out of harm’s way
- They believe it will make their life run more smoothly
- They believe that they will feel less stressed
- They believe that they will feel more at peace
- They believe they will be protected from feeling inadequate
- They believe it will protect their self-esteem, self-confidence and self-worth
- They believe that it will leave them feeling better about themselves
In summary, people accept the fear of failure into their lives because they believe it will improve the overall quality of their lives.
Is this what you believe?
If so, please go on to Section A.
If not, reflect on whether you feel you are still prone to the fear of failure at any time in the future. If you feel you are prone then please go on to Section A.
If you feel that you are completely free of the fear of failure then I wish to congratulate you on this truly remarkable accomplishment!
Recall briefly the last time you felt the fear of failure in something you were attempting to undertake. Notice the fear of failure itself and how it makes you feel inside. Do you feel any of the following?
- Like avoiding doing what you set out to do
- Like your heart just sank
- Like your self-worth just vanished
- Like your mood just plummeted
- Like your energy just depleted
- Like your stress levels just went up
- Self-hate or self-disgust.
- Like your self-esteem just lowered
- Like giving up
Do you recognise how the fear of failure is ruining the quality of your inner emotional and physical state and therefore the quality of your life?
Do you recognise how this result contradicts what you “believe” about the fear of failure (the summary statement)?
Can these two contradictory statements be simultaneously true? If you’re not sure try, these two statements:
– You are sitting down right now
– You are standing up right now
These two conflicting statements are clearly NOT both true at the same time for you are they?
Likewise, with the two conflicting statements about the fear of failure:
A) The fear of failure improves the quality of my life
B) The fear of failure reduces the quality of my life
These cannot be simultaneously true.
When you focus on the experience of the fear of failure that you feel inside while recalling an unpleasant experience involving it do you feel better OR worse?
Which statement above A) or B) resonates with what you feel inside?
Most people recognise that the fear of failure makes them feel worse whenever they bring it into their bodies.
This clearly would make: B) true and A) false.
Most people however, unconsciously believe that: A) is true and B) is false.
In other words most people, without realising it, are choosing to believe a false statement (the summary statement) about the fear of failure is actually the truth about it.
These people are clearly lying to themselves about this without realising it.
Stop Making Excuses And Accepting Your Fear of Failure
If this is you… are you aware of how you have been lying to yourself about what it means to accept the fear of failure into your life?
If so, do you wish to stop lying to yourself about the need to accept the fear of failure into your life?
There are three steps to begin freeing yourself from the fear of failure.
1) From the core of your self; make the following statement sincerely:
“I request that the lie that the fear of failure improves the quality of my life be purged from my life forever.”
2) Then again from the core of your self; make the following statement sincerely:
“I request that all fear of failure and any unconscious beliefs that anchor it in my body be purged from my life forever”
3) Finally, contemplate how you would live your life without the fear of failure reducing the quality of your experience and spend some time visualising this new state of being. Then make the following sincere statement form the core of your self:
“I desire to live my life in this way from now on.”
Now notice how you feel inside. If all went well i.e. you followed and understood the exercise step-by-step and were sincere in your desire to be free of the fear of failure, then you might be feeling some or all of the following:
You may be feeling a sense of relief, joy, happiness, lighter (both emotionally and physically), feeling more like your real self, feeling relaxed, having an inner sense of peace, or perhaps noticing that your levels of energy have increased.
If you have achieved this then I wish to congratulate you on your accomplishment!
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Felicity Muscat is the Founder of The Institute of Self Mastery which was created to help others fulfill the truest, highest, and most authentic expression of themselves in all areas of life.
If you have tried other approaches that have failed and are ready for change, request a complimentary introductory phone/Skype coaching consultation to help you get started on your journey back to your peak performing empowered and alive self today. To learn more and explore others’ success stories, download Felicity’s eBooks.
Felicity Muscat, former psychologist is now an international self-esteem, self-empowerment, and self-mastery life coach. Felicity is also a relationship and success coach, author of three best-selling books and Level 3 mind resonance coach.